oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
