one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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