wakey wakey hands off snakey
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
