I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my poor anus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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