part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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