you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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