we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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