This dress was meant to end up on your floor
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
