I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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