The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want to be your penis for a week.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
