Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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