I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
