i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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