Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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