It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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