NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
