oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
