I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
