Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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