Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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