hell yes lets make some ravioli
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
