If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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