I can tuck mytits in my pants
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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