Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
