And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
