Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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