I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
