Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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