His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
