I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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