Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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