time to smoke my breakfast
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
