i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
