I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
