And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
