You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
