You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
