it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
