why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
