have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
