If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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