if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
