Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
