malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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