ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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