I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
