we're blogging at a bar
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
