Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just high enough for therapy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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