I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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