I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
