Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
