Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
