Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
