Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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