last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
