I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
