Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
