so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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