I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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