I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
