Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!

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(607): View more from New York

You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.

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(210): View more from Texas

It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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(519): View more from Ontario

she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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(516): View more from New York

When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats

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(720): View more from Colorado

one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.

(720): View more from Colorado

and yea, I'm PMSing.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.

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