The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
