he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Houston, we have a squirter
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
