a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So apparently I’m into choking now
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