i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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